On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
