it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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