and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
