White coat. Heels.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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