I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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