we have pet lesbian snakes
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
