when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want a musical about memes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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