ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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