My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
