I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
