PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
