The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
