it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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