cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
