I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
