ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
