"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
