she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
