I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
