Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
