you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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