what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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