Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize