i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
