I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
