Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
