Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
