Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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