Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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