so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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