You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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