i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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