i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I pour the whiskey from now on
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
