In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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