It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
