I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
