I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
