He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize