So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
