Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
