addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize