I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
