WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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