No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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