Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
