Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize