if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
