just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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