i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
