i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
