I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
