i think my tv is drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
