Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
