i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
