I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
