I am puke
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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