we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize