You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
