Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
