...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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