I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
