ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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