I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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