at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
