1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
