So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
