Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
