Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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