Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
