I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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